Family relationships can be a battlefield, and sometimes the only way to survive is to retreat. But what if retreat doesn’t mean surrender? For many, the rise of ‘low contact’ relationships is a lifeline—a way to preserve connections without sacrificing mental health. Take Marie, for example, who found herself physically stressed every time her mother called. ‘I stopped answering the phone,’ she admits, her voice steady, as if reciting a mantra she’d practiced for years. This wasn’t a spontaneous decision; it was a boundary she’d carefully crafted with her therapist after years of feeling like the ‘black sheep’ of her family. Marie’s mother, she explains, had a way of turning every conversation into a competition of suffering. ‘I’d say, “I’m not feeling well,” and she’d respond, “Well, I have diabetes.” I was too scared to have a voice.’
But here’s where it gets controversial: Marie never explained her decision to her mother. Instead, she chose to limit contact, visiting only when necessary and calling with a clear purpose. ‘I call when I need to,’ she says. ‘If I shared something personal, she’d tell the whole family. There was no emotional safety.’ And when her mother complains? Marie deflects, refusing to apologize. ‘I say, “Oh, I’ve just been busy. How are you?”’ It’s a strategy that keeps the peace—sort of.
Marie’s approach is part of a growing trend known as ‘low contact’ (LC), a middle ground between maintaining ties and cutting them entirely. Unlike ‘no contact’ (NC), which has gained traction thanks to high-profile cases like Brooklyn Beckham and Prince Harry, LC allows for some interaction while setting firm boundaries. TikTok is flooded with NC advocates shouting, ‘Take back your power!’ but Marie wasn’t ready to sever ties completely. ‘The love I have for my mother will always be there,’ she says. She wanted her children to know their grandmother and didn’t want to risk alienating her extended family. For her, LC is ‘easier to live with,’ with ‘less guilt.’
And this is the part most people miss: LC isn’t just about reducing contact; it’s about redefining it. Georgina, another woman in her 30s, also chose LC after a lifetime of walking on eggshells around her volatile mother. ‘Our household was all about not upsetting her,’ she recalls. Now, her contact is ‘very low,’ but she ensures her children can still see their grandparents and cousins. ‘It’s very child-focused,’ she explains. Yet, when her mother showed up unannounced after weeks of silence, Georgina stood her ground, agreeing only to limited contact with her grandchildren. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.
Katherine Cavallo, a family psychotherapist with over 25 years of experience, notes that LC and NC have become more common in recent years. A YouGov poll found that 38% of American adults are estranged from a family member, a statistic she attributes to increased awareness of unhealthy relationships and their impact on mental health. ‘That’s a positive,’ she says, ‘but there’s also a lot of misinformation out there. Not every difficult relationship is abusive or narcissistic.’
Here’s the kicker: Younger generations are less bound by a sense of familial ‘duty,’ which isn’t always a bad thing. But Cavallo warns of a cultural shift toward individualism that can sometimes lead to unnecessary estrangement. ‘The push for estrangement has been damaging for many families,’ she says. While she recommends NC in cases of abuse or violence, LC offers a compromise. ‘It’s a way to explore what’s possible without making a final decision,’ she explains. ‘It takes the pressure off.’
But LC isn’t a magic bullet. Cavallo points out that avoiding contact doesn’t erase the relationship. ‘Your mother will always be your mother,’ she says. ‘This is about finding nuanced ways to manage that.’ Boundaries, she suggests, can be creative. Instead of long conversations, try activities like bowling or mini golf, especially if children are involved. Or share photos instead of words. It’s about maintaining a connection without opening the door to conflict.
But here’s the question that divides opinions: Is LC just a way to avoid difficult emotions? Some argue that it’s a form of emotional avoidance, but others see it as a necessary step toward healing. Philip Karahassan, a psychotherapist specializing in bereavement, warns of the regret that can come with NC. He’s worked with clients who never got to say goodbye to estranged family members who passed away. ‘The amount of people who tell me, “I never got to say goodbye,” is heartbreaking,” he says. For him, LC is about taking control and setting boundaries that feel right.
Interestingly, low contact used to be the norm. Dr. Lucy Blake, a psychology lecturer, explains that from the 1960s onward, infrequent family contact was considered typical. It’s only with the rise of technology that constant communication became the expectation. ‘Calling a parent once every two weeks used to be normal,’ she says. ‘In some ways, it was healthier.’ LC, she argues, can be a way to counter the ‘idyllic’ family images on social media and ease unrealistic expectations.
Caroline, in her 50s, chose LC with her mother after a particularly toxic lunch led to a panic attack. ‘I said, “Mom, I need some space,”’ she recalls. She set up support systems for her mother and then stepped back. ‘I told her I’d contact her when I was ready.’ Crucially, she avoided blaming her mother directly. ‘That would’ve just caused more drama.’ Now, she calls her mother daily but limits the conversation to five minutes. ‘I have to keep it short,’ she says. The space has allowed for self-reflection. ‘I realized some of this was about triggers inside me that I needed to heal, not my mom.’
But here’s the twist: Caroline’s own adult children went NC with her in 2024 after her difficult breakup. Her eldest son is now LC, and while it’s painful, she understands. ‘I know how he feels,’ she says. For her, LC is a tool for growth. ‘It allows us to get the help we need to decide if we want a full-time relationship with someone.’ Her advice to parents? ‘Use this time wisely. Your child will likely come back to see if you’ve changed.’
Of course, not everyone can achieve this level of self-awareness. Life coach Harriet Shearsmith notes that maintaining boundaries can be emotionally exhausting, and LC isn’t always safe. Some face pushback, with relatives exploding or playing the victim. ‘It’s not a one-size-fits-all solution,’ she warns.
Like family dynamics themselves, LC is complex. For Marie, the key is support. ‘Get therapy,’ she advises. ‘And find people you can pour your heart into.’ As one bond fades, others become vital. LC isn’t about giving up; it’s about redefining what family means—on your terms. But what do you think? Is low contact a healthy compromise, or just a way to avoid the hard work of reconciliation? Let’s hear your thoughts in the comments.
